The Temple

I grew to love the temple over time. When I first attended the temple as an adult, I was scared and I didn’t understand much. I didn’t prepare myself well or take the time to learn about the ordinances in the temple the way I should have prior to going. I got my endowment just before serving my mission and I looked at it as a right of passage to go on a mission, rather than a commitment in and of itself. The best advice I got that first day was to go to the temple often and I did, as often as I could. I found my initial insecurities about the temple were overcome by positive experiences in the temple where I felt the spirit confirm to me about the goodness of the temple. After my mission, while I was at BYU I went to the temple weekly and began to feel more and more at peace there, until before long, it was hard for me to remember why I ever felt out of place there.

When I was in college, I had a friend, who was not Mormon. From the time I first met him, I felt that he would be a great Mormon and quickly introduced him to the missionaries. He took the missionary discussions and started attending church. He really grasped the principles of the gospel quickly and connected with the doctrines of the church, BUT, he just couldn’t make the commitment to be baptized. He was learning and growing as a person, but couldn’t get to the point where he was ready to be join the church through baptism. After a while I just let the gospel discussions drop, but, at Christmas time, I took him to see the temple lights at the Oakland temple and after we went to the visitors center. I had never seen him get emotional and after we toured the visitor’s center this big, strong, guy was in tears. He felt the spirit of the temple so strong. He turned to me and said he wanted to get baptized. This was the first time I had seen the power of the temple first hand on someone who had not grown up knowing the significance of it. It was really powerful to me to see how someone else felt there and to know that the feelings I was learning to feel in the temple were real and not something I was just conditioned to feel.

Years later, I was living in NYC and they asked me to be a tour guide at the temple open house. Over 50,000 people visited the temple in just a few weeks, many who were not LDS. Taking strangers and some friends through the building was amazing. The Manhattan temple is located in one of the busiest areas in the city. It is in a high-rise building across the street from Lincoln Center. There is a subway stop almost right outside the front door. There are shops, hot dog vendors, apartment buildings and the convergence of two streets right in front of the temple. It is loud, there are people, taxis, buses and cars everywhere. You hear traffic non-stop and sirens all the time for ambulances headed to a nearby hospital. Like all of NYC, it can be really dirty. BUT, when you take the elevator to the temple and enter the building it is completely soundless. It is clean. The contrast stops you in your tracks. You suddenly find yourself slowing down, breathing, feeling. You separate yourself wholly from the craziness of the city and enjoy a solitude and peace that really doesn’t exist elsewhere in the city. The people I toured through the temple were blown away by it and almost universally people told me that they felt different there and could see why we love our temples so much. Again, I knew that the peace, love and joy you feel at the temple are strong but it was eye opening to see how others feel it.

I later worked in that same temple, first, as the person who organizes the weekly cleaning of the temple and later as an ordinance worker with Dave when we were newlyweds. Cleaning the temple regularly was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. Our cleaning shifts were on Saturday nights after the last session. The cleaning crew would change into our white temple clothes and slippers, we would then participate in a prayer and a devotional service with the temple presidency. Sometimes you would be assigned to clean the bathrooms, other times the hallways or ordinance rooms, but every once in awhile you would be assigned to clean the Celestial Room. There is something amazing about serving in the temple in such a physical capacity. Imagine being all alone dusting and vacuuming the celestial room. I’ve never felt such a refuge from the world or as close to my Heavenly Father in a particular room.

I once visited a temple in Fukuoka, Japan with my mom and brother who had served a mission there and found my brother being smothered with love from a small, crying, Japanese women who we randomly saw that day. She told my mom and I how my brother had helped her and her family back to the gospel years earlier as a missionary. She testified forcefully how coming to the temple had transformed her life.

I learned the name of my first daughter Claire while rubbing my swollen, pregnant belly in the temple endowment room.

I have sat in the Celestial room with my husband, his parents, and all ten of their children and spouses and have felt what heaven must feel like. And how big and right it feels to have eternal families who have progressed together.

Just last month, I watched beautiful little Emma Thatcher be sealed to her sweet mom and dad and brothers and become a forever family.

I’ve had prayers answered, I’ve had broken hearts healed, I’ve had issues with the church resolved, I’ve had undeniable connections with people I’ve never met and have served as proxy for in the temple.

And it only gets better, I have looked into my husband’s eyes and have been sealed to the person I love most in this world for time and all eternity at the alter of the Lord in the temple.  (Even though I was late to my own wedding and he and his family thought I might not show up, I was a miraculous day.)

These experiences, and personal experiences I have had in the temple over the years, have confirmed to me that the temple has power to transform hearts. That it is not just a place that we have been taught to love. There is a presence there that brings a special kind of happiness and desire for greater commitment and growth than doesn’t exist elsewhere. Knowing that and experiencing the temple makes you want to always have it in your life.

In order to have it always in our lives, first, we need to desire it. I think the best way to desire the temple in your life is by visiting the temple. You cannot even go to the grounds, much less sit and reflect in the Celestial room, without feeling the presence of the Lord. Going to the temple in whatever capacity we can will impact us. If you have a temple recommend, be there as much as you can. Make it a priority. Talk about the good experiences you have had there with your family and friends. If you do not have a temple recommend, visit any temple that you can in proximity to where you live or vacation. Just sit and ponder on the grounds of the temple. Read your scriptures and pray in the gardens. If you have been to the temple and not had a good experience, try it again. Go with people you love and trust and start building up a rapport with the temple.

Second, you also need to be prepared to attend the temple. Prepare by learning all you can about the temple. Pay particular attention in classes when the temple is mentioned. Take a specific temple preparation class. Study on your own the church talks, pamphlets and books that have been written about the temple and scour the scriptures for details about past and present temples and ordinances. Ask questions about the temple from people who love the temple. There are very few things that we cannot share outside of the temple about the temple ceremonies. Don’t be scared to ask questions from church leaders and temple workers.

Last, be worthy to attend the temple. I wish there was a better word for this, because worthiness always seems like such a judge-y word to me. I think of worthiness as more of a process or a trek. It’s a leaning in to the Lord and becoming more like him and desiring what he desires for us. It is looking at ourselves candidly and asking ourselves where we stand in conjunction with our Father’s laws and course correcting where we have strayed.

I love searching for little architectural details, or motifs, in different temples on the exterior and interior. Often on furniture or doors you will find the smallest craving or prints detailing something specific to that temples history or location in the world. Whether it be olive branches, peach blossoms, angels wings, constellations, or beehives, each temple seems to have them. One day while visiting the San Diego temple for the first time, I was visually searching the temple for its theme. On the exterior of the temple there are two massive towers surrounded by smaller spires shooting upward to heaven. This is a typical feature of many temples and helps us remember to look up to the Lord, to point our thoughts and lives toward him. In the two-story Celestial Room I noted a unique feature that I hadn’t seen before in other temples. There are these large columns that hang from the ceiling. They look almost like upside down steeples. I couldn’t really figure out what the purpose of these upturned steeples were but then recalled taking a tour of an underground cave in Barbados years before.

In the cave, there were these massive structures called stalactites hanging from the ceiling of the cave. That looked much like these upside down steeples in the Celestial Room. Then on the floor of the cave directly under the stalactites were limestone columns mirroring the stalactites rising from the ground. They are called stalagmites. Our cave guide explained that stalactites are created by the continuous dripping of mineral rich water, which little by little leaves mineral deposits hanging from the ceiling as the minerals harden. Looking almost like a permanent, hardened icicle hanging from the ceiling of the caves. And stalagmites, the upward facing mineral spires, are created as the mineral rich water droplets drip to the floor from the stalactite leaving behind sometimes massive pillar like formations. Eventually they will join from floor-to-ceiling and become one enormous pillar. They grow very slowly around an inch every 100 years.

As I sat in the temple thinking about this imagery, I felt like those architectural temple spires perfectly represented us and our Heavenly Father. Him, hanging down reaching for us and slowing dropping his dews from heaven on us. Continually bathing us in his love, his mercy, his compassion. Continually buoying us up, helping us try harder and believe in ourselves more. And there we are at the base, starting so small, but, growing steadily under his sure hand. Learning, committing more, serving others, growing taller and stronger. And then before we know it we are almost there. Getting closer and closer day by day. We know all we need is a few more drops and then we will be one. Our father then distills his love on us even more and we finally become one, a pillar that is strong, impervious to outside forces, built on a solid foundation that was created from thousands of little experiences that have expanded us both. One of our apostles, Elder Bednar even refers to the temple as the “intersection between heaven and earth”, like the pillar I mentioned that connects us both.

It dawned on me that day that I don’t know of a better symbol of the importance of the commitments we make in the temple on us personally and our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Brothers and sisters, I know that committing to the ordinances we make in the temple and helping others do the same help us to be better people and happier people. The temple ordinances help us grow here on earth and grow eternally. I am so grateful to know that and to have experienced it first hand. 

And then you turned seven...

My sweet Kennedy,

My love grows bigger for you every year and it feels an eternity older than seven years. You are my ever-faithful companion, my dear girl. When everyone chooses dad, you choose me. I know they love us both and choose the excitement and novelty of spending time with him, but I love that you choose to be by my side. It shows me that you are sensitive and empathetic to even your mother. You can be chatty or you can just sit, be reflective and snuggle with me. I like both sides of you and find you so easy to be around.

This year, I have watched you grow confident in school, not just in your studies which come easy to you and fill you with a lot of excitement, but also with friends. They like you and are drawn to you, but you seem not to know this or doubt it at times. You are learning to recognize signs of friendship and to reciprocate them. This is a process and you have asked to set monthly goals this year working toward developing friendship and overcoming shyness. I like that you are taking control of this and know through handwork and dedication that you can make a different.

You are likewise committed in all that you do. You try hard in everything you do from piano to golf, to reading and tennis. You try to keep up with Claire in everything too. I even see you looking over her shoulder memorizing her vocabulary words. I love that you are not intimidated by the fact that she is two years older than you.

You are Claire and best friends, but you don't leave out your little brothers either. David and Benji stick by your sides. You, Claire and David fall asleep chatting with each other every night. Benji spends his time giggling after you all. He knows that he is safe with you and you will always love him and take care of him.

I love you and your perfect scattering of freckles!

Love,

Tara

Dearest Claire,

Your ninth birthday is just passed and I am approached it with a bit of dread. As much as I want to see who you will become this next year and in your life, I want to hold you longer at this age. I mentally say to myself almost daily about you, "remember this, catch that", over the smallest of details.

Eight has revealed even more of you to me. I feel like I got to know more about who you will be this year than in your previous seven years. You have developed a sense of humor this year, a pride in public speaking, mastered difficult tasks from knitting and tough pieces on the piano to going to golf lessons solo and endless spelling tests. You can do hard things and once you kick in to gear, can really be a quick learner.

You have developed your voice this year. You are still your sweet, loving and naturally good natured self, but you have also learned to stand up for yourself, even against your mom. We have had some battles this year, the kind neither of us like, but some amazing coming to terms and remembering how much we love and rely on each other too.

One of my favorite things about you this year have been your teeth—they are all over the place! They are growing in at all odd angles. You might think that it is strange that I love this about you, but let me explain. You are a beauty girl, inside and out, but let me just focus on the out right now. You have this classic prettiness about you and those teeth are keeping you grounded. You don't seem bothered by your funny teeth at all and I love that you are accepting your pre-braces tween look with such confidence. I know that loving all of your quirky parts is one of the best things a person can do and I love to see you confronting and conquering this early on.

Claire, my little tender hearted first born. I love you completely and wish you the best of years this ninth year of your life.

Love,

Mom

Dave's Mothers Day Talk 2015

We all know that a mother Grizzly bear can be one of the most dangerous animals on earth.  Darwin would argue that this is because nature is pushing it to carry on the bear’s genetic line.  The thing that Darwin couldn’t explain after countless hours of research is the mystery of heroic acts. 

In Feb of 2001, a deranged man walked into an elementary school with a sizable weapon and intent to do harm. The principal, a small 42-year-old woman noticed the man acting strange and stepped in front of him as he was trying to enter the door of the kindergarten class. 

The man then pulled out the weapon and attacked the principal who had never been in a fight in her life. She crossed her arms in front of her head, locked eyes with him as she absorbed the repeated blows and backed towards her office and away from students.  Once there, she was quickly able to send out the lock down code. 

The man then turned his attention on to a new target, but the principal jumped on his back and locked her arms in a bear hug around his body. He then dropped his weapon and shortly there after help arrived. 

How on earth was she able to overpower the attacker? Some thought it was plain luck, but it has been suggested that it was far less luck and instead a perfectly executed plan of defense and ultimate victory against the attacker. 

She does so many things correctly. For example, not letting her adrenaline red line so she wouldn’t have burnt through her energy in moments and been left helpless. 

        

She finds a very creative solution to the challenge. After the attacker has redlined and exhausted his energy, she does what she knows best, LOVE.  She wraps her arms around him and holds him tight.  Using her fascia to create an incredibly strong lasso around his body causing him to drop the weapon. 

The hardest challenge she had that day to face was her mind and fear. If your brain is faced with something that it has never done before, it can render your entire body useless. If it finds a match, you are good to go.  For example, people have failed to get on the fireman’s ladder because they are unfamiliar with ladders and have frozen over fear of heights. 

The principal had to find something that matched her skill set. Hugging was something she had been doing for the last 20 years many times a day. She could not beat his rage, but she thought she could try and calm it. She said from the witness stand at the man’s trial, “I put my arms around you, to comfort you”. In the courtroom he silently mouthed “Thank You” in reply.

Joseph Smith taught about Saviors on Mount Zion—helping others find and experience the saving power of atonement. I have thought, what does it take to be a “Mother in Zion”? The qualifications are not an advanced degree or training. They are not even having your own children. Sherry Dew, has been a “Mother in Zion” to countless woman in the church. As I look around the ward and see that many of you woman have been mother’s in Zion to my children.  You have: taught them the gospel; shared your testimonies with them; showed them examples of patience; said “No” when needed, instead of the easier path of saying “YES” and most of all LOVED THEM.

In 2 Nephi 2:25 it states that “men are, that they might have joy”. You “Mothers in Zion” are you not, helping to fulfill the short and long term joy of my children? For this I will be eternally grateful to you all.

Now I know that I have just turned all of you women into heroes, which may make you uncomfortable. In your minds it may just not work.

I could be wrong but, but I don’t remember my mother ever really enjoying a Mother’s Day Talk. It was as if she after hearing people’s talks she felt she needed to repent for not being better—for not matching up to the stories told that day. Later in life, I spoke with her and she admitted that more often than not it was more a day of guilt. 

A researcher of heroic events stated, “I challenge you to find a hero that thinks of themself as heroes. You can’t find it.” Maybe this is why it is so hard for mothers to listen to “Mother’s Day Talks”. 

Let me clear on this day, you Mothers of Zion will never think of yourselves as anything special or heroic. No person or talk is going to convince you otherwise, in fact it may even add confusion and guilt and you may feel like you need to do, or be more.  

BUT DON’T. 

Just continue being exactly who you already are!

And know that we are all eternally grateful for what you do and who you are. We are grateful for:

·      The new primary presidency

·      The recently released primary presidency

·      All the primary teachers

·      The Young Woman Leaders

·      Sister Sutton, our sweet nursery leader

·      The aunts that you are, like my children’s Aunt Shari

And to each Mother today, if you are tempted to start listing things that you should or could do. 

Please don’t. 

Thank you and we love you.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

The Last One Turned One

When people ask me about Benjamin and what type of baby he is I always respond, "he is a baby to remember". Besides the sleeping thing, Benj is the exact baby you hope your babies to be. He is happy, cuddly, curious and squirmy enough to keep you interested. His smile, that now boasts four teeth and a David Letterman-esque gap, lights up a room. He has made being a mother for the fourth time do-able and more than just do-able, enjoyable. For his dad, who wasn't even convinced he wanted four kids, Benj has made him want more. Dave has always kicked in to high gear fatherhood at age one, but Benji had him at the get-go. He charmed him immediately and I have never seen Dave so wrapped up in any of our other babies.

His sisters dote on him, his brother tolerates him and sometimes even gets a real kick out of him too. In turn, he loves them all. He is happy when they are around and goes most mornings for at least an hour without even wanting me. His sisters get him up in the morning, at some outrageous hour, and they will bring him to me in when he has destroyed their Lego castles and drawn on their art projects saying something authoritative like, "Here. Take this squirmy runt." I love waking up to the sounds of all of them playing close by.


Benjamin attempts to say several words, but can really only get out "Stu", his cousin's dog, and "Dad" clearly. He chatters in his own language though and it doesn't seem to bother him that no one else can understand him. The kids repeat his language back to him, so he must think he is communicating something.

Benji is our smallest baby and has stayed that way. I know this is a tender mercy to me, because he looks like a baby still. His first year went slow, slow the way you want it to be, where you have time to remember moments, looks and feelings.

Benji rolled over and crawled early and walked holding on to things almost immediately after he started crawling. I thought he would be my earliest walker. He will take three or four steps here and there, but he still prefers crawling and he can get around pretty quick. He prefers all things adult as play toys and isn't even interested in baby toys. He opens cabinets, flings pots and pans, throws clothes and books on the floor, climbs in dishwashers and drawers, digs in the dirt and uproots plants—basically, leaves a mess in his wake everywhere he goes. His face and hands are always sticky and grimy. His pants always have holes in the knees and his shirt always has drips and dirt on the front. Yet still, he is my "baby to remember", because through it all he will smile up at you with joy in those bright blue, smart eyes and just melt your heart.

Mister, Mister

Dear David,

Happy birthday my little four-year-old. Wow, I couldn't be happier about being your mother. I am so proud to be around you. You carry yourself so well. You are kind, courageous, smart and easy. I never worry about how you will act around others, or in public, because you are a charmer and CHOOSE happiness each day. Occassionally,  you will melt down just a little bit but I think we are the only ones who see that and get some fuel, in the form of food, in you and you return immediately to us as your happy self.

You have learned to introduce yourself to others this year and you nail it. You state, while shaking someone's hand and looking them square in the eye, "My name is David Hezekiah "Mister" Thatcher." You are your dad's show pony and he loves seeing you do this and watch how other's light up because of your courtesy and courage.

You are a self-starter. This year, you love picking your own outfits and bring out piles of T-shirts and shorts for me to pick out my favorite one each day for you to wear. As soon as I pick the one I prefer, you will say, "I think I will wear this one.", always indicating a different shirt. Spiderman shirt, underwear and pajamas are a staple, and occasionally, "Dusty" or the Avengers will make the grade. You never forget "Blue Blankie" and drag him everywhere too. You stated a few weeks ago, "I like these shoes. They are super simply great!".

You love golf, riding your bike (which you taught yourself), playing with Logan, flying airplanes with Dad, jumping on the trampoline, and of course being with those two sisters of yours. You have all been sleeping in the same room together all year. First, in the girl's room at the old house and now in your big boy room at the new house. The girls just felt like you would miss them too much and you would. I love to watch you all play. You always choose the boy's toys, but you are also right there with them playing along side.

You are precocious little one and I can often see a little glimmer in your eye. The other day, I told you that you couldn't take your toys and blankie to preschool and you responded, "I don't know any better. Logan told be that I don't know any better." You do not like chores and often skirt them. At the car wash recently I had asked you to help me clean out the car and you dabbled at it for a few minutes and then said "Mom, ask me a question." I asked what question and you said "Do you want to watch or work." Without realizing I was being set up, I asked "Do you want to watch or work?" and David responded, "Watch". Yep, you are that kind of Tom Sawyer-ish.

I tell you all the time that I love your company and I do. This year has probably not been very exciting for you because a lot of the time we are running other kids places and rushing home to get Benj one of his two naps a day, so there hasn't been enough time for a lot of park dates, and library trips and fun outings, but you are happy with what you get and chatter away to me all day long. I like to hear what you say and love having my little sidekick. I'll love you forever, little "Mister".

Mom

Kennedy Turned Six

Dear Kennedy,

This picture just sums you up for me right now. Benjamin was born nine months ago and you have had him at your side ever since. You are his second mom and take this role very seriously. You wake up with him most mornings, although I am never certain who wakes who up. When he was a newborn, I would find you cuddled in his crib with him. Later, you and Claire figured out how to get him out of his crib. You would stand inside the crib and pick him up and them pass him to Claire who would be standing outside his crib. You've now even created a way to get him on your own, where you balance one foot on a shelf and one on the side of the crib, pick him up and then lower him to the ground. We had to swear you off that approach for obvious safety reasons, but I love your tenacity little girl. He loves you for this, smiling for you and giggling when you insist on a foot kiss before nap time.

You watch me with eagle eyes as a mother and sometimes I wonder if you are thinking, "I could do this better." You know what? I think you could too, most of the time. You are also always at my side when I cook. Helping is second nature to you and unlike most six-year-olds, you are really efficient. 

Kennedy, you are a born planner. You particularly like to throw parties and can dream of place settings, meal plans, cake toppers and gift bags all day long. In this way, you are a lot like your Grandma Cheryl. You planned out your own Lego-themed party this year and picked out all of the decorations and party favors, catering each Lego gift to the personality and likes of your cousins.

You started Kindergarten this year and told me you are the smartest kid in the class. I told her teacher this and she said, "Well, she is probably right". You are bright and catch on to things very quickly. I love to hear you reading and watch you do math problems in your head. It is great to see your mind in motion. 

At times, you can be shy and other times extremely bold. I notice when you are with your sister, you are your bravest. When Claire falters at something, you boldly try to succeed with it. Some of this is competitive, but I think down deep you want her to know that you both can do it. I love to see you kick in to high gear in these situations and push yourself. At school, you are shy in social situations but confident in the work. We are working on making new friends and getting more comfortable with new people.

Your little freckles put me over the moon Kennedy. You have a few dotting your checks and nose. I love to stare at them and kiss those soft cheeks. They still smell like pie to me! I had freckles as a little girl and hated them. Seeing you with them, has shown me how beautiful they are. Now I regret every minute I hated my freckles. 

I love my little mama and love watching who you are becoming.

Love,

Mom