So how do you stay fit? Well, some buddies and I tried a couple years ago to do it through FEAR and SHAME. As the pictures will soon reveal, I might as well name names, Ryan, James, Brent, Barrett and me (Dave). After several weeks of negotiations, we decided the loser of the challenge would put on a speedo, get on the #6 Train and ride it the length of the city. This holds a little more weight and humiliation after knowing this is the same group that put together the "Apprentice Prank". The film footage was going to be easy pickin's and the end product another great video.
The challenge was simple, first, take BEFORE & AFTER pictures then give the pictures to professional trainers that would then rank them from BEST to WORST. The rankings would be based not on who has the best body, but on who has the MOST IMPROVED BODY. This was the major part of the final score at 50% (and also what Barrett was counting on for the victory). The remaining 50% of the race would be tallied on three physical races a 1/4 mile swim, a 6 mile bike race and a 1.6 mile run in Central Park.
We each agreed to the terms and then the three month race was on. Barrett started training by drinking 3000 calorie shakes composed of whipping cream, James hit the pool, Ryan lifted some weights, I hit the bike track and Brent looked for some older and more out of shape pictures with his shirt off. When our training was complete, we all met in NYC for the competition.
The First Event - 1/4 Mile Swim
At the pool, strangers caught wind of our race decided to put odds on their favorite. They all looked at Barrett and his fine-tuned body and was picked as the trifecta favorite. The shot was fired and we were all wet, but not all of us were necessarily swimming. James had almost lapped us and took first, Brent and I battled for 2nd but on the last lap I passed him and silver was mine. Brent then took bronze and Ryan and the piano he was dragging took 4th. Barrett floated in last and waved off the life guard has she was reaching for the life guard pole. The spectators all looked on in shock.
The Second Event - 6 Mile Bike Race
Ready, Get Set, Go! Brent and I set out first like a champion drafting team. Ryan hung on tightly behind like a barnacle. James was no where to be seen and had long faded into the back ground. Barrett disappeared almost immediately. Later on, we learned that after a lazy and false first effort, Barrett short-cut across the park and hid in the bushes at mile five. His plan was to wait for us to come around the corner then jump in for the last mile sprint. Barrett's wily plan was brilliant, the only problem was that by the time he had come back to mile 5 and set up shop to watch for us, we had already passed him and finished the race. Barrett doesn't do much while waiting in the bushes, so we will get back to him a little later—he isn't going anywhere. Brent's desire to gain a little glory on the bike track lead him into taking the lead and cutting a delicious and unrestricted path for me. Breaking into mile 5, we looked back to find the barnacle was hot on our trail and catching up fast. My fresh legs kicked in but left Brent to fend for himself. Ryan passed him by the MET, but I held him off for the victory. 8-10 minutes later, James came strolling up like he was riding a Puerto Rican tricked out bike, smiling and ringing his bell. I am tempted to believe that he forgot that he was racing. 20-30 minutes later there was still no sign of Barrett and we figured he was lost. Tara and Anita got worried, and got on the bikes to go and look for the Wily Coyote. They find him bent over a bush and acting like he has just thrown-up. This will not be the last time that the Wily Coyote lites the fuse and throws the stick of dynamite over the cliff, but mysteriously finds it has returned to his hand.
The Third Event - 1.6 Mile Run
Holding off Ryan in the biking race emptied my tanks, but since James had just rested on his tricked out bike for six miles he was fresh as a dew-filled morning. Brent was out for blood and Barrett was still more interested in having us believe that he was sick so that he wouldn't be questioned about his whereabouts on the last race. James and Brent took off first, with Ryan falling behind them a bit but keeping a respectable pace. My 1st place bike finish and noodle legs kept pace with Barrett for about 1/3 of a mile. Barrett would have loved to take a 4th place finish if only for pride's sake, but as the heavy whipping cream flowed through Barrett's heart it suddenly turned into butter and blew a gasket and the race is over. Damn, he looks great, but he didn't manage to finish better than 5th in any ONE of the races. The final tally from the foot race had James in 1st, Brent 2nd, Ryan 3rd, me 4th and Barrett 5th (for the 3rd time that day).
Well, you may think Barrett is worried at this point, NO WAY! This entire race was his brain child and design. As planned, 50% of the entire competition would come from the BEFORE & AFTER photos. He still had a very good chance at victory, well, if not victory, a respectable placing. For the last three months, he hadn't dared run, bike or swim for fear that he might loose a little muscle, or water weight, for the final photos.
I will not reveal the final results for the Fit for Shame competition until Sunday, April 20, and against my better judgment and the counsel of the "Illegal Skin Bronzer Alliance", I am now posting below our BEFORE & AFTER pics for your perusal. Take a moment and rank the five contestants, (in photo order James, Brent, Barrett, Ryan and me) from BEST to WORST. Remember the challenge is based on the MOST IMPROVEMENT. Let's see if you all judge the results the same way that the professional trainers judged the results.
