Happy Mother's Day

Dear Mom,

The summer I turned 18 was a difficult one. I had just graduated from High School and you and dad had just separated. My best friend, Siobhan, who was was living with us my whole senior year had also just returned to Australia. I was preparing to go away to BYU-H and was in so many ways in between worlds. I was feeling a lack of center and wondering if things would ever be the same. One very ordinary day, toward the end of the summer something magical happened.

My friends, Rebekah, Anna and Chun, came over to dinner that night along with Ian's best friend Kyle. Between you, me, my three younger brothers and our four friends, we had quite a full table. You made dinner—fried chicken and scones (yes, I am a living testament to the fact that you once deep fried foods and we, including you, loved it). We all sat around first eating and then talking and laughing for the longest time. At one point, I looked around the table and realized that I was happy and although some things had changed so many things were still the same. I felt taken care of. I felt accepted. I felt loved. I felt pampered. I felt comfortable with my friends in my home. I felt welcome. I felt surrounded. I felt washed over in blessedness. I felt family. It was all so wonderful, because amidst my summer of changes, without ever spelling it out to myself, I had wondered if I would ever feel these emotions again, or at least wondered if I would ever feel them all at the same time.

As if to punctuate my Aha! moment and the virtual deluge of genuine happiness in the room, and afternoon thunder storm started. We sat at the table listening to overpowering booms and saw flashes of light out the windows. At some point, the house must have been hit by lightening because a fairly large spark flashed down the light fixture at the dinner table and blew out the light. Even during this surge of electricity we all sat at ease continuing tell stories and laugh—you even told a funny story about dad. I again felt the electricity of family and had one of those strange out of body/in body experiences where you are watching a room with you in it. I took a mental picture looking down on us and all our homespun happiness.

Now I am a mother, I look at this night so differently. I realize that this night happened because you facilitated it. You orchestrated that feeling in our home and in our life by the way you treat your children and others. Not only during that dinner when I was an 18 year old, but now. I also know that to really orchestrate "family" you have to be present and in the moment, not just here and again, but virtually all the time. You have to put yourself second, and sometimes third. You have to power through difficult days and choose happiness.

Mom, this Mother's Day I am so grateful for your sacrifices and for always making sure that our home is a place where love is found. I am truly blessed to have you in my life, always and forever.

Love,

Tara