Act I:
In Which Tara Should Have Never Agreed to Changing Claire's Diaper in the First Place.
In Which Tara Should Have Never Agreed to Changing Claire's Diaper in the First Place.
Setting: The somewhat chaotic, but ever lovable primary room, where peace is often sung about, but rarely found.
Tara, a 30-something frazzled, yet always composed, mother of two is putting her newborn to sleep amidst the clamor of primary sharing time. She is sitting next to her dashing, yet distracted, husband. Just as the wee baby falls into a trance-like sleep (with gaping mouth to prove her utter coma), the even more frazzled, yet always composed, nursery leader shows up at the primary door and scans the room until her eyes fall upon the smug-looking mother with the sleeping babe in arms.
The even more frazzled, yet always composed, nursery leader points to a tender young sapling with golden locks at her side and pinches her nose with her fingers. The message clear, Tara, ever agreeable, hands the sleeping babe to her husband to go address her daughter's offending scent.
Tara, a 30-something frazzled, yet always composed, mother of two is putting her newborn to sleep amidst the clamor of primary sharing time. She is sitting next to her dashing, yet distracted, husband. Just as the wee baby falls into a trance-like sleep (with gaping mouth to prove her utter coma), the even more frazzled, yet always composed, nursery leader shows up at the primary door and scans the room until her eyes fall upon the smug-looking mother with the sleeping babe in arms.
The even more frazzled, yet always composed, nursery leader points to a tender young sapling with golden locks at her side and pinches her nose with her fingers. The message clear, Tara, ever agreeable, hands the sleeping babe to her husband to go address her daughter's offending scent.
Act II:
In Which Tara Should Not Have Left the Offending Scent Behind
In Which Tara Should Not Have Left the Offending Scent Behind
Tara enters the bathroom and quickly, but expertly changes her daughter. She gives her tender young sapling with golden locks a quick squeeze and on the way out of the door tosses the source of the offending scent into the garbage. The offending scent not happy to be contained spreads its aroma instantly throughout the ladies room. Tara, frazzled, yet always composed, momentarily pities her fellow church goers who may have to use the ladies room.
Act III:
In Which Tara Should Have Never Left Her Sleeping Babe in the
Cacophony of Primary Sharing Time.
In Which Tara Should Have Never Left Her Sleeping Babe in the
Cacophony of Primary Sharing Time.
Tara returns her tender young sapling with golden locks to the nursery, resumes her smug look of composure, and returns to the primary room. Instantly, she is greeted, by her dashing, yet distracted, husband carrying her once sleeping babe in his arms. The once sleeping babe is now yelping and sucking furiously on the dashing, yet distracted, father's arm causing an unsightly mark. Tara takes the child and returns to the ladies room, which unfortunately houses the changing station and even more unfortunately houses the nursing room, which houses the garbage with the offending scent.
As Tara sits down for a prolonged feed the offending scent wafts suffocating around her. Tara, reminded how mother's become frazzled, scrunches her nose briefly, then resumes her look of composure.
As Tara sits down for a prolonged feed the offending scent wafts suffocating around her. Tara, reminded how mother's become frazzled, scrunches her nose briefly, then resumes her look of composure.
-The Curtain Falls-
11 comments:
Wow, I can almost smell it from here! Actually I think we have all smelt those stinky church bathrooms and now we understand the real culprits :)
So it's you with the smelly diaper, I myself would never have left the smelly diaper in the bathroom, he, he, he. The best part of your story is that we all know what it feels like to be the one who stole the cookie from the cookie jar; we have all been the guilty culprit.
I actually don't really feel that bad for you, cause I am the one you had to smell 15 bottoms before finding out that is was your kid, not once but TWICE!
That smell is pleasant coming from a sweet baby. Now when an old lady steps out of the stall. A wonderful aroma fill the air...that is what makes you want to run, and run FAST!!!
MaRea
Hi-freakin-larious!!! I can't stop giggling. Love this post. Brilliant.
So sorry for you and all the diaper drama, but oh, so classic. And, ps, church bathrooms are always stinky. I've never been in one that's not.
Baby K has some seriously super suction skills. I've wittnessed. Should have named her Dyson.
Oh, can't wait to see the musical version!
Tara that was so funny...I loved reading it. Thanks for the smiles..
So vivid! Ah the life of a mother!
So you were the one! Just kidding. Loved how your wrote this. Hilarious. Reading Karley's comment made me laugh even harder. Good times at church for sure.
I had an incident where I had to change Isiah 's(the son of course!) diaper at a church function...I only had enough wipes for his little bottom and the odor was extremely offensive....I had gotten some of the offensive excrement on my hands and proceeded to go to the bathroom to empty the diaper and wash my hands....I turned on one faucet--no water. I turned on every faucet, to find out later that the church was having plumbing issues and there was no running water. I returned back to church with the offensive odor on my hands and everyone looking at me with scrunched up noses!
Oh, sooo incredibly funny, my dear, classy, smug, baby-changing friend! ;) Serves you right for leaving that nasty diaper in the restroom trash. ;)
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