When I was pregnant with Claire I did a lot of looking forward and now that I am pregnant again, I feel like I am doing a lot of looking back. Looking back on perfect and not so perfect moments and looking back on what I would do the same and what I would do differently. So what are my reflections on parenting after almost two years in the biz? Here's my ever expanding list:
1. I will not wake a sleeping baby. Yep, I did this every four hours until Claire was about two months. She wanted to sleep, and I wanted weight gain. Guess what, she still hasn't gained much weight and still loves her naps.
2. I will let my little one teach me about what kind of mother she needs. I feel like I was so clueless with Claire I just did this kind of naturally and I am so glad I didn't force a parenting style or particular technique on her. She has taught me exactly what she needs in her time.
3. I will not tell lies. Yep again, I told many of you lies when Claire was just a babe in arms, in that first six weeks particularly, of the "I'm feeling great", "I'm managing really well", "I feel emotionally really stable" variety. Lie, lie, and lie again.
4. I will teach my new wee about Heavenly Father and Jesus earlier. Look, I just didn't know what I was doing. Somehow talking to Claire about spiritual topics seemed above her head when she was a baby, but in reality it was the most simple place to start, at the beginning.
5. I will not use the paci or the bottle past one year--the weaning part is just too painful to me. Even now, almost two months since Claire lost her precious "paci", I have moments where I want to go to my secret stash, present her with her treasure, and just please the punch out of her.
6. I will have a date night every week with Dave. I can't tell you how much I look forward to just dressing up and being romanced every once in awhile. Since we have moved to California, we have successfully gone out at least once a week, just the adults. I love it and look forward to it and when I asked Claire the other day who her best friend was, guess who she said? "Jessie", her teenage babysitter. I guess she loves it too.
7. I will not feel guilty about being a working mom. This is a tough one. I love working from home part-time and I hate working from home part-time. I love the encouragements I get from work and people who respect working moms and I hate it (and on some level agree with it) when others don't. All I know is at the end of the day, guilt makes me not love who I am and what I do and that is not good for me being the best mom I can be, so good-bye guilt.
8. I will let God tell me about who he gave me. I won't believe in wives' tales about heart burn meaning kids will be strong willed, easy sleepers being peace makers, or poor eaters being picky. I will learn about my little girl as she choices to reveal herself to me layer by layer. It has been wonderful to see who Claire is from the source, her perfect divine self.
So what advice do you have for me with number two, my friends? Observations from near or far, I would love to hear your suggestions.
12 comments:
I love those. I would add:
1. I will not wish the time away. With Abbi I couldn't wait for her to be three months old so she would sleep more and I could sleep train her. After three months I realized my baby was gone. I had wished that those three months away. With JJ I have been better about following his lead. For the first few weeks he would only sleep if I was next to him and he could nurse often. Yes those first few weeks were hard. Now he sleeps on his own and doesn’t need me and I’m the one who misses my time with him.
2. I will keep a positive perspective. I can choose to get flustered that Abbi is going through what they call the “terrible twos” or I can change my perspective and be grateful for a passionate daughter who knows what she wants. I can be annoyed that my son doesn’t sleep through the night or I can change my perspective and be grateful for the time he and I get to spend together.
I’m so excited for you and Dave. You guys are amazing parents!!
Really I can't imagine better parents. You care so much about giving the world to Claire, that this new little one is lucky to have that too. I don't have kids yet, but what I would cherish is the opportunity to be child like again. To rediscover the wonder of lady bugs, the sound of laughter, the crunch of leaves. Don't be afraid to be honest, tired, real- that's what friends were made for. I'm sooo excited for you! I can't wait to meet them both!
This is beautiful Tara. What great lessons for all of us to learn. I love your attitude.
This is something I posted on another young friend's blog: "This is my take on parenting: You figure out who God sent you...writing stories about your child is a good start (blogging insights are good)...then realize it is not your job to 'mold' this gift from heaven. That will just set up battle lines. Your job is to love your unique little person; be a good example to them and then before it is over they will be inspired to mold themselves into someone you will be proud of. Not that I did any of this at all myself but from many conflicts I have learned that: Being nice is more important than being right."
And a little thought about working: You can do it, but you know there is only so much time in a day and some personal goals and pleasures, some sweet quiet moments and a little sanity will have to be given up in order to pull it off, especially with number 2 coming along. Oh, I wish I could tell you and you would believe me how short this time with your little ones is.
Good ideas here.
Thanks for driving traffic to my blog... I can't believe how many hits I get from your site.
We're looking forward to meeting your new little one.
When you need your snow fix, we have room in Colorado for you to visit.
Tara, I have learned so much from watching you with Claire. You are so gentle and sweet with her. I've learned to talk and explain things to Logan where I normally keep it quite short. You are an amazing Mom and Aunt.
I agree with everyone...you are a wonderful mommy and so patient! I have done so many things differently with L than with E and I am so grateful that I just let him lead and didn't worry so much about what everyone else was doing. But that comes with age and experience...both of which I didn't have the first go round : ) I hope you're feeling great!
I am loving your list and those already added - may be copying them down in my journal!
I loved #2,3 and 4 I couldn't possibly give better advice, you need none. Just the fact that you are aware of any of this says that the Holy Ghost is really at work and if that is happening anything else is irrelevant to you and yours.
what an insightful post. The one thing I have learned, that you probably already know is that my best days have God in them. When I am feeling like the whole world is on my shoulders I simply have to take a time out for myself. Then God so very patiently reminds me of what really matters and life is the way it should be again. You are a very sweet mommy I have so much to learn from you.
You sound just like a mom who is having a second child. I let Maya sleep through the night too! Isiah I woke up every 4 hours and just like Claire he stayed small for a really long time!
I have found that the best thing is to just let the spirit lead. Kids are going to make mistakes,we are going to make mistakes, but in those mistakes much is learned....by them and by us.
Loved your thoughts. You're children are lucky to have you as their mother. Great thoughts even for me with 5 children. Thanks for sharing!
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